Like a Child.

I have decisions to make.
My heart and head feel at war, because on one hand, I am victim to the pressures of this world and the claims society tries to take in my life. On the other, I know that my only authority is Jesus, and am confident that His will resides in my heart.

The little girl in this picture was one of the most beautiful children I have ever met. However, looking into her face, I was reminded of something else.

"Oh, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, thank you for hiding the truth from those who think themselves so wise and clever, and for revealing it to the childlike"

Matthew 11:25

I think my biggest issue is that I think I can control the path of my life. I think that my plans and my methods of carrying them out are more valuable than following what I believe God has placed in my heart. I worry about the consequences of what seem like massive decisions when I know inside of me that the decisions themselves are not even that significant, and in reality, the consequences will work out.

I feel a calling...and yet, I cannot emphasize enough how scared I am to answer it.

I am afraid to trust myself. I am afraid to trust God.

So, I desire a faith that is able to understand that I am actually not that clever...and that I'm actually not very wise...and that maybe my plans are not really what need to happen right now. I desire a quieted heart...one that is able to listen to itself, and trust that what is happening inside of it is happening for a reason. I desire to refrain from thinking about the things that I can't work out in my head...and focus on what I know I feel.

I desire to follow the one calling in life that I know I have for so long dismissed.

"I don't concern myself with matters too great or awesome for me. But I have stilled and quieted myself, just as a small child is quiet with its mother. Yes, like a small child is my soul within me.

O Israel, put your hope in the Lord - now and always."

Psalm 131: 1b-3