Exams, life, and love.
And thus beginneth the two weeks of my most favorite thing to do ever...
Final exams.
However, I really don't feel like writing about the feelings of impending doom that are at this moment eating away at my insides...ha ha...
So maybe i'll talk about something else.
I feel like lately I've been so busy that I haven't given much thought to life. And I don't mean life in the sense of what I want to do with my life, or where I'm going to be in the next 1o years, or what kind of car I want to drive when I'm 55 and going through a mid-life crisis. I mean life more in the sense of why I am here on this earth, and why God felt it important to make me a part of his plan.
My brother Jon leads worship at the church that he and I go to....SEMA. This past sunday he lead all by himself...just him and the guitar. To be honest, I love the simplicity of worship when it is just one voice and one instrument. For some reason, the worship last sunday in particular really got to me. Jon stood up there and talked about how lots of times it is our nature to just bring our crazy lives to God and ask him to fix everything, or how sometimes, when we get the chance, we sit and listen to God and expect him to lay into our hearts some divine blueprint of His will. And as he was talking I was thinking in my head...really, my time with God lately has been centered around one of two topics: either me freaking out because of my busy schedule and needing some sort of divine intervention so that there is more time in the day to get everything I need to get done done...or my sitting and trying to listen for exactly what God actually wants me to do with my life...or more specifically...next year.
Jon mentioned that sometimes when we're with God, he desires to tell us things and help us out with our lives because he is our father and our friend. But the thing he said next really hit me: Sometimes God wants us to just come to him and hear him say that he loves us. He actually just wants us to sit there and listen to him say "I love you"...over and over again. And the crazy thing is that I think the more he says it to us the less we will understand it because Gods love is incomprehensible, yet at the same time it brings a peace that stewing over the business of life or the uncertainty of the future will never ever bring.
I think lots of times I want to hear God say that he loves me, and I want to just sit there and listen to it over and over again. Sometimes I would give anything to just have 10 minutes where I can shut out the world and be quiet, and listen for a little bit...and not fall asleep because the rest of my life is so busy. But I think I don't do it because I feel lazy...and I'm afraid of that feeling. And maybe I also don't do it because I know that God loves me...so sitting and hearing him repeat it to me is just a big waste of time. If I feel like I'm not accomplishing anything, then it is natural for me to think I'm not making any progress in my relationship with God. I'd rather be bringing "more important" things to his throne...which is really lame now that I actually think about it because I can't think of anything more personal or important than a Father telling his daughter how much he loves her.
Anyways, just some thoughts. See yah in a week or two.
Final exams.
However, I really don't feel like writing about the feelings of impending doom that are at this moment eating away at my insides...ha ha...
So maybe i'll talk about something else.
I feel like lately I've been so busy that I haven't given much thought to life. And I don't mean life in the sense of what I want to do with my life, or where I'm going to be in the next 1o years, or what kind of car I want to drive when I'm 55 and going through a mid-life crisis. I mean life more in the sense of why I am here on this earth, and why God felt it important to make me a part of his plan.
My brother Jon leads worship at the church that he and I go to....SEMA. This past sunday he lead all by himself...just him and the guitar. To be honest, I love the simplicity of worship when it is just one voice and one instrument. For some reason, the worship last sunday in particular really got to me. Jon stood up there and talked about how lots of times it is our nature to just bring our crazy lives to God and ask him to fix everything, or how sometimes, when we get the chance, we sit and listen to God and expect him to lay into our hearts some divine blueprint of His will. And as he was talking I was thinking in my head...really, my time with God lately has been centered around one of two topics: either me freaking out because of my busy schedule and needing some sort of divine intervention so that there is more time in the day to get everything I need to get done done...or my sitting and trying to listen for exactly what God actually wants me to do with my life...or more specifically...next year.
Jon mentioned that sometimes when we're with God, he desires to tell us things and help us out with our lives because he is our father and our friend. But the thing he said next really hit me: Sometimes God wants us to just come to him and hear him say that he loves us. He actually just wants us to sit there and listen to him say "I love you"...over and over again. And the crazy thing is that I think the more he says it to us the less we will understand it because Gods love is incomprehensible, yet at the same time it brings a peace that stewing over the business of life or the uncertainty of the future will never ever bring.
I think lots of times I want to hear God say that he loves me, and I want to just sit there and listen to it over and over again. Sometimes I would give anything to just have 10 minutes where I can shut out the world and be quiet, and listen for a little bit...and not fall asleep because the rest of my life is so busy. But I think I don't do it because I feel lazy...and I'm afraid of that feeling. And maybe I also don't do it because I know that God loves me...so sitting and hearing him repeat it to me is just a big waste of time. If I feel like I'm not accomplishing anything, then it is natural for me to think I'm not making any progress in my relationship with God. I'd rather be bringing "more important" things to his throne...which is really lame now that I actually think about it because I can't think of anything more personal or important than a Father telling his daughter how much he loves her.
Anyways, just some thoughts. See yah in a week or two.
posted by kathleen at 11:58 PM
1 Comments:
leens!
your thoughts are wonderful. i hope you are a little less stressed. are you all done now? what are your plans for the summer? i'm at home now, and looking for a job. anyways, i just wanted to let you know that i appreciated reading what you wrote in your post. its hitting home. love and miss you!
Post a Comment
<< Home