twenty-one and counting.

well...one more year has gone by...and i must say that it was quite an eventful one. never really thought i'd be at this place in my life at the age of twenty one...but here i am.
how is it? (as everyone has asked me...the famous birthday question)...well, no different really. And yet, so different. sometimes i feel like i know nothing for my age, and yet...sometimes i feel like i know and have experienced far too much.
what should i have accomplished by now in life?? honestly...sometimes i wonder if there isn't some universal life guideline that we're all really supposed to be following. sometimes i think i stop and sit by the flowers too much...sometimes i think i don't sit enough. I don't want to miss what God has for me in life, and yet sometimes I find that I am so wrapped up in my plans that I fail to even think about His.
and sometimes I wish these years were already gone...i wish i was done school and that the place that my life was at was one of more contribution to the world...one of greater accomplishment...one of greater faith.
but really...this is the journey isn't it? I mean...these past seven months have been the craziest seven months of my whole twenty one years...but i wouldn't trade them for anything. The journey is the hardest part...and I think it's because it comes with all of the learning. I don't know how many times I've said that I hate growing up and that I wish I could be 15 again...when mom and dad did everything, and all i had to worry about was math homework, dance practice, playing piano, and getting 8 hours of sleep. Now there is so much more to do and to think about, and I have to do it all with much less sleep, and much less help. I cry a lot more, and I laugh a lot harder. And I've learned how to take things a bit more light heartedly...like not doing so well on an exam, or getting a parking ticket, or spilling coffee all over myself...and all at the same time I will wonder for hours why life has to be so hard...like why is there cancer, and broken relationships, and long distance.

"This day's been crazy but everything's happened on schedule,

from the rain and the cold to the drink that I spilled on my shirt.

But you knew how you'd save me before I fell dead in the garden...

and you knew this day long before you made me outta dirt, yeah.

And you know the plans that you have for me,

and you can't plan the ends and not plan the means...

And so I suppose I just need some peace,

just to get me to sleep."

~Caedmons Call

That's my theme song. I guess the point is that I have never felt so independent and, at the same time, so dependent on God in all of my life.
So my main question/desire for this year is continuing to learn how to live by God's faithfulness. He really does have this whole journey thing planned out. And the funny part is that this journey won't end till he calls me home.
So, considering that hasn't happened yet... i guess there are still some things to learn...and a few more birthdays to celebrate.
maybe I'll make more sense as I get older...ha ha.
p.s. -- thank you mom and dad for the flowers...