It snowed.

i woke up yesterday morning to a pleasant surprise. Snow.

if you know anything about me, you know i love Christmas... and love is an understatement. Snow reminds me of christmas...so yesterday put me in the mood for white lights, sweaters, cold evenings, and rosy cheeks...the smell of cinnamon and peppermint, gingerbread cookies, and of course, Christmas music. A little early, you might think? well, yes....it is. However, i usually start listening to christmas music in July (sorry Betty...), so this excitement seems right on time for me.
this year has somewhat of a different look to it, though. and maybe that is why it's on my mind so much. i don't know who reads my blog...but i'm guessing many of you know the story of my past year...know why i no longer live in manitoba...why i'm still sporting the last name Hamm.
i never thought i'd write about this on my blog.
Christmas last year brought excitement in a way that was so much better than presents. Christmas last year brought things like new family, diamond rings, and planning...but most of all, it brought love.
Once you get engaged, it's like you live in oblivion for a little while...everything is great... everything is like christmas.
But you know that feeling of when Christmas is over and you have to go back to school, and the homework hits, and life gets ugly because there is still snow on the ground and it is still cold but all you have to look forward to are midterms?
That happened to me. But not with school...with love. I hope people only experience the former situation (which i think is inevitable), because the latter is no fun at all.
Christmas came and went, and so did my engagment. Almost exactly 8 months ago the planning ended...the fairy tale came to an abrupt halt.
And so it might seem that life ended for me. And it did seem that way for a while. A long while. But over these months God has helped me to realize that maybe my fairy tale wasn't the one He had planned...(and believe me, this has taken some convincing). God has shown me that our relationship wasn't wrong because he was a bad person and did everything wrong, or because I was a bad person and did everything wrong. I know this because I know that we are both good people, and that we both made mistakes. The relationship wasn't right because we were not right for eachother...God has someone better for each of us.
And now I am thankful...for two things: that the man I was with will have the chance to find that love and joy that God has planned...and that I now have that same chance.
Christmas will look different this year. I'll miss my old almost second family...I'll miss the look of a small town decorated in lights...I'll miss playing piano for the local church choir... I'll miss going on dates where we went iceskating, shopped in crazy busy stores, and went for coffee. I'll miss investing my love in another person, and feeling that love in return.
But this newness is drawing me in and I'm excited still. Excited to put up my new nativity scene, excited to decorate the apartment and get a christmas tree...excited to be loved...maybe not by a man on this earth...but by Him.
...I'm going to go finish baking my gingersnaps...