World's Worst Recipe: Biology, Calculus, and Chemistry -- with a side of German
I have had my first official panic attack of the year...and it happened on tuesday night.
I've never liked tuesdays. Bad things happen on tuesdays. Does anyone agree? Well, in the space of one hour last tuesday, as I sat in the law library at school, I realized that I had not only forgotten to register for my chemistry exam, but I had also forgotten to order my lab kit which contains the means of completing the 10 labs that I (wait for it) DIDN'T know about...
oh and on top of that, I realized that within the same week I have my biggest biology lab due, as well as my bio oral project, and my final german project...oh, and wait, that's only a week after my calculus midterm...which is, conveniently of course, only a week after my chemistry midterm, which is, also conveniently, only a week after my bio midterm, which, conveniently, is on saturday.
I'm tired. Really tired. And, you know... I do it to myself. I cried on the phone after asking my mom to call me (from Greece...thanks mom)...and was given the usual words..."everything's gonna be alright, you'll make it... just breath." The funny thing is that I knew that all along. But for some weird reason it took hearing it from someone else for it to actually register.
So, after my crying and shaking fit, in which I frantically wondered what it is that I'm actually trying to accomplish in life, why exactly it seems like nothing is going how I need it to go, and why i feel like the only one in my position, I got into bed with my journal and Jesus and began to write...
"I think my stress has something to do with the fact that I have not sat here with you in a while...and I feel like when I do come I just have this child wish list of all the things I need you to fix..."
Sometimes I feel bad about going to God like that. But the reality is that there are so many aspects to His character...he is a lover, he is a friend, he is a companion...he is a father. And on tuesday night (and pretty much every night) I approached him as the child that I am...needy, selfish, and sometimes really stupid and really horrible at time management.
But the picture I get of God during times like these is that he smiles, tears up with me a little bit, maybe gives that fatherly chuckle, then takes my hand and says "everything's gonna be all right, we'll make it...just breath." And then it all makes sense again.
I've never liked tuesdays. Bad things happen on tuesdays. Does anyone agree? Well, in the space of one hour last tuesday, as I sat in the law library at school, I realized that I had not only forgotten to register for my chemistry exam, but I had also forgotten to order my lab kit which contains the means of completing the 10 labs that I (wait for it) DIDN'T know about...
oh and on top of that, I realized that within the same week I have my biggest biology lab due, as well as my bio oral project, and my final german project...oh, and wait, that's only a week after my calculus midterm...which is, conveniently of course, only a week after my chemistry midterm, which is, also conveniently, only a week after my bio midterm, which, conveniently, is on saturday.
I'm tired. Really tired. And, you know... I do it to myself. I cried on the phone after asking my mom to call me (from Greece...thanks mom)...and was given the usual words..."everything's gonna be alright, you'll make it... just breath." The funny thing is that I knew that all along. But for some weird reason it took hearing it from someone else for it to actually register.
So, after my crying and shaking fit, in which I frantically wondered what it is that I'm actually trying to accomplish in life, why exactly it seems like nothing is going how I need it to go, and why i feel like the only one in my position, I got into bed with my journal and Jesus and began to write...
"I think my stress has something to do with the fact that I have not sat here with you in a while...and I feel like when I do come I just have this child wish list of all the things I need you to fix..."
Sometimes I feel bad about going to God like that. But the reality is that there are so many aspects to His character...he is a lover, he is a friend, he is a companion...he is a father. And on tuesday night (and pretty much every night) I approached him as the child that I am...needy, selfish, and sometimes really stupid and really horrible at time management.
But the picture I get of God during times like these is that he smiles, tears up with me a little bit, maybe gives that fatherly chuckle, then takes my hand and says "everything's gonna be all right, we'll make it...just breath." And then it all makes sense again.
posted by kathleen at 7:21 PM
3 Comments:
K, So I know now just how busy you are, but I must ask...have you ever considered writing a book? I'm not kidding. Have you? Cuz if you did, I would buy it. Actually, I'd buy all of them....stock temporarily out of order is what they'd have to tell people. You are such a gifted writer Leens! I know you don't write it just to be a story or something. Don't get me wrong. But you write so beautifully...from the heart...and with such honesty. I appreciate it. A lot. And I miss you.
Welp...you need to get back to studying and all that other crazy life stuff you do...but I am thinking of you and praying for you in this chaotic time.
And you WILL be ok....I know you will be.
Got your message the other night! I was ripped that I missed your call...but yes, we'll definitely talk this week I hope!
Can't wait to chat!
Ok so this is my third comment on one post, I don't mean to be stalkerish but...I just noticed your new profile picture and i must say....HOT STUFF! Where was that picture taken and why are you so "dolled up?"
Looking FINE as usual...
anyway...are we talking this week or what? i'll call you!
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